Thursday, March 31, 2011
3/31/11 Cindalu
Went and did yoga yesterday. The day before I went climbing. Went to the gym 3 times this week. Yay!
Monday, March 28, 2011
3/29/11 Cindalu
139.4!!!
I did it!
I am officially back in the 130's. Woooooot!
I haven't been there in about nearly 3 years.
What I have been doing is eating less, and not snacking all day.
I went climbing twice last week. Irritated my muscles and nerves on the second time though unfortunately. Was able to kind of stretch things out. Not 100% back to where I was, but some better. If I have time today, I am going to take a yoga class this evening after I take my math exam. I will probably do some kind of activity after that. Maybe some cardio of some sort.
I like your idea about setting one goal a month. I think that is pretty realistic. More likely to become a real part of your life. That's awesome!
I did it!
I am officially back in the 130's. Woooooot!
I haven't been there in about nearly 3 years.
What I have been doing is eating less, and not snacking all day.
I went climbing twice last week. Irritated my muscles and nerves on the second time though unfortunately. Was able to kind of stretch things out. Not 100% back to where I was, but some better. If I have time today, I am going to take a yoga class this evening after I take my math exam. I will probably do some kind of activity after that. Maybe some cardio of some sort.
I like your idea about setting one goal a month. I think that is pretty realistic. More likely to become a real part of your life. That's awesome!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
MT 3/27
Ms. Cindalu, I’m so sorry I haven’t been following or posting on the blog!!!! I just read all of your past posts. It sounds like things have been rough. I’m not sure what to tell you about your boy. Maybe you should just tell him that what he’s saying to you isn’t big news, it doesn’t make you feel good or motivate you, so maybe he should keep it to himself for a while?
Hon, you’re amazing, and you ARE doing stuff with your life. I’m so amazed that you’ve been able to write a whole book!!!!! Keep at it! Did you ever hear back from the climbing gym about that job? Maybe you should consider moving here ;)
As for me, I’ve got 5 months until my 30th birthday. I’ve set up a little program for myself- every month I focus on a different goal- I want these to be life goals that I keep forever. I’ve often read that a new goal takes a month to develop into a habit, and I recently read that it’s best to focus on only one goal at a time.
So I’ve got five months. Month 1- no eating after 8pm. No matter what. After this month, I can eat after 8pm for VERY special social occasions, but that’s it. And I want to keep this goal for the rest of my life.
Month 2- clean/organize for 15 minutes every morning after I get up and every night before I sleep. I think this will make my life more peaceful.
I think for month 3 I will write when I wake up in the morning- just enough to clear my head.
Month 4, I think stretching when I wake up and before I go to bed.
I forgot what I was going to do for month five! I’m sure I’ll remember though.
Anyways, I’ve been doing pretty good on food lately, not so good on exercise because I’m still waiting for this stupid weather to clear up. Bleh.
And not eating after 8pm seems to be making a difference! I am sleeping better and waking up more refreshed, and I’m sure I’ve cut my calorie consumption by a third haha (that may not last long as I’ll probably start eating more during the day since I’m not eating at night)
Okay, gotta go.
Love ya Cindalu, keep me updated and I’ll try to get on here more.
Hon, you’re amazing, and you ARE doing stuff with your life. I’m so amazed that you’ve been able to write a whole book!!!!! Keep at it! Did you ever hear back from the climbing gym about that job? Maybe you should consider moving here ;)
As for me, I’ve got 5 months until my 30th birthday. I’ve set up a little program for myself- every month I focus on a different goal- I want these to be life goals that I keep forever. I’ve often read that a new goal takes a month to develop into a habit, and I recently read that it’s best to focus on only one goal at a time.
So I’ve got five months. Month 1- no eating after 8pm. No matter what. After this month, I can eat after 8pm for VERY special social occasions, but that’s it. And I want to keep this goal for the rest of my life.
Month 2- clean/organize for 15 minutes every morning after I get up and every night before I sleep. I think this will make my life more peaceful.
I think for month 3 I will write when I wake up in the morning- just enough to clear my head.
Month 4, I think stretching when I wake up and before I go to bed.
I forgot what I was going to do for month five! I’m sure I’ll remember though.
Anyways, I’ve been doing pretty good on food lately, not so good on exercise because I’m still waiting for this stupid weather to clear up. Bleh.
And not eating after 8pm seems to be making a difference! I am sleeping better and waking up more refreshed, and I’m sure I’ve cut my calorie consumption by a third haha (that may not last long as I’ll probably start eating more during the day since I’m not eating at night)
Okay, gotta go.
Love ya Cindalu, keep me updated and I’ll try to get on here more.
3/26/11 Cindalu
Went climbing a couple times this week. Did pretty kick ass! Nearly completed a V3. I was just starting those back when I was climbing all the time. Also, I did a 5.10c today, and didn't fall except for the reach for the finishing rock.. which I don't think really counts.
Also, I've been a steady 141. Just 2 pounds to go and I'll be back in the 130's, which would be awesome!
Today I had a small breakfast. I piece of sourdough toast, and half and orange from the tree in the yard (yum. atleast something is happy about all this rain).
Lunch was a crepe from a cafe and some earl grey tea w/ cream. I think I may start making crepes at home again. Dinner was chicken noodle soup, made from scratch, including the homemade noodles. Today is what I consider a decent way to eat.
I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow. Hopefully I am able to put together some healthy dinners and snacks.
Also, I've been a steady 141. Just 2 pounds to go and I'll be back in the 130's, which would be awesome!
Today I had a small breakfast. I piece of sourdough toast, and half and orange from the tree in the yard (yum. atleast something is happy about all this rain).
Lunch was a crepe from a cafe and some earl grey tea w/ cream. I think I may start making crepes at home again. Dinner was chicken noodle soup, made from scratch, including the homemade noodles. Today is what I consider a decent way to eat.
I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow. Hopefully I am able to put together some healthy dinners and snacks.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
3/20/2011 Cindalu
I haven't gotten any exericize really since I last posted. Had the procedure done, and then wasn't feeling well for the next week and a half.
Eric has mentioned to me that I am not motivated to do active things anymore. That it makes him not motivated when I am not motivated.
I feel like he doesn't understand how much physical pain I have been in for the past year. I feel like he doesn't have the ability to empathize.
I have lost 15 pounds in the past 6 months. That is a miracle considering the circumstances. Of course, that isn't acknowledged. Only the fact that I should lose 10-20 more pounds in his opinion is mentioned. If I lost 20 pounds, I would weigh what I did when I was 14 years old. F*ing ridiculous.
Sure, I want to lose some weight. I'd like to lower my body fat percentage. I'm not the thinnest girl in the world. Being nagged and being told I have stomach fat is not the way to motivate me. When he had stomach fat I didn't once try and make him feel bad about it.
He later apologized saying its not about weight, but just being healthy. Leading an active life. That it concerns him that I am not motivated most of the time.
He tells me I am not trying to find alternative things that I can do that don't cause me pain. The only thing I can do in moderation is walk. And because it rains, right now it would have to be on the treadmill. Which is booooooooooooring.
The whole thing I learned about making health a lifestyle is keeping it fun. It is not fun to be in a gym on a treadmill. I refuse to force myself to do something so unfurfilling. If its not fun, I am not going to stick with it. I don't believe in being a gym rat. Repetitive exercise; such as being on an eliptical, or lifting weights on an track in an unergonomic way (which is how the machines are built) is not what human bodies were meant to do.
I boulder some, but it does sometimes cause me pain. Or on my more painful days I don't feel like bothering with it. And I don't particularly like the bouldering gym near us because the route setters don't typically plot out routes using the style I like. They want brutal stregnth more than making it possible to get up a route with any sort of technique. It's boring for me. I want to go outside and climb. It's raining. I liked top roping a lot. However, the last time I went I screwed myself over by falling to many damn times and pissed off my nerve via the harness.
I don't have a job and I don't know what I need to do about it. I rally shouldn't have a job where I have to sit all day long. I need something close to home so I don't have to commute far, and something where I can be on my feet more often than not. I've been thinking about applying at Starbucks because I really just want a part time job that gives me health insurance. No one seems to be supportive of this, other than Eric. Sure, I COULD probably do a lot better. Jobs that require me to use my mind though at things I am skilled at also require me to sit down most of the time.
Eric and I had talked about getting married so that he could get health insurance benefits. He now says he doesn't ever want to get married again, and that I 'can't keep a job more than a month.' Which isn't exactly true. I quit my first job, that I had been at 2 years. And it was for valid reasons. They weren't paying me in a timely manner, and they wanted me to pick between my doctor appointments and my job. So I chose my dr. appointments. The second job I quit after a week because it wasn't a good fit for me. And the last job required me to commute for nearly 3 hours a day, which wasn't good for my pain level. Again, no empathy on his part.
I'm just getting really depressed. I don't know what I am doing with myself. I am worried about my future.
I used to love to be outside doing active things. Perhaps I will feel better when the sun comes out again. I felt awesome when I was climbing all the time, and hiking, kayaking.
One thing I have been doing pretty regularly is yoga. It's not enough in Eric's opinion. Which I am starting to resent him for. Pardon me for not wanting to spend 3 hours at the gym with him every time we go.
Some people with my disorder aren't able to do any form of exercise. I just feel lucky that on most days now I can move my positioning on the couch and not be in excruciating pain.
Sometimes I miss the days when I lived by myself in a studio apartment. I had a good paying job, and had lots of money I could play with. I could come home and didn't have someone bitching at me about what I did or didn't do.
I am thinking about taking a weekend vacation to San Diego, where I hear it is warm and sunny.
Because the pain doctor thinks I am depressed, he thinks I will benefit from going to a psych doctor. Perhaps I'll go. Has to be better than being anxious and sad.
I imagine my life being like it used to be. Outdoors and active. And happy. Finding things to look forward to and doing them. I miss that.
Eric has mentioned to me that I am not motivated to do active things anymore. That it makes him not motivated when I am not motivated.
I feel like he doesn't understand how much physical pain I have been in for the past year. I feel like he doesn't have the ability to empathize.
I have lost 15 pounds in the past 6 months. That is a miracle considering the circumstances. Of course, that isn't acknowledged. Only the fact that I should lose 10-20 more pounds in his opinion is mentioned. If I lost 20 pounds, I would weigh what I did when I was 14 years old. F*ing ridiculous.
Sure, I want to lose some weight. I'd like to lower my body fat percentage. I'm not the thinnest girl in the world. Being nagged and being told I have stomach fat is not the way to motivate me. When he had stomach fat I didn't once try and make him feel bad about it.
He later apologized saying its not about weight, but just being healthy. Leading an active life. That it concerns him that I am not motivated most of the time.
He tells me I am not trying to find alternative things that I can do that don't cause me pain. The only thing I can do in moderation is walk. And because it rains, right now it would have to be on the treadmill. Which is booooooooooooring.
The whole thing I learned about making health a lifestyle is keeping it fun. It is not fun to be in a gym on a treadmill. I refuse to force myself to do something so unfurfilling. If its not fun, I am not going to stick with it. I don't believe in being a gym rat. Repetitive exercise; such as being on an eliptical, or lifting weights on an track in an unergonomic way (which is how the machines are built) is not what human bodies were meant to do.
I boulder some, but it does sometimes cause me pain. Or on my more painful days I don't feel like bothering with it. And I don't particularly like the bouldering gym near us because the route setters don't typically plot out routes using the style I like. They want brutal stregnth more than making it possible to get up a route with any sort of technique. It's boring for me. I want to go outside and climb. It's raining. I liked top roping a lot. However, the last time I went I screwed myself over by falling to many damn times and pissed off my nerve via the harness.
I don't have a job and I don't know what I need to do about it. I rally shouldn't have a job where I have to sit all day long. I need something close to home so I don't have to commute far, and something where I can be on my feet more often than not. I've been thinking about applying at Starbucks because I really just want a part time job that gives me health insurance. No one seems to be supportive of this, other than Eric. Sure, I COULD probably do a lot better. Jobs that require me to use my mind though at things I am skilled at also require me to sit down most of the time.
Eric and I had talked about getting married so that he could get health insurance benefits. He now says he doesn't ever want to get married again, and that I 'can't keep a job more than a month.' Which isn't exactly true. I quit my first job, that I had been at 2 years. And it was for valid reasons. They weren't paying me in a timely manner, and they wanted me to pick between my doctor appointments and my job. So I chose my dr. appointments. The second job I quit after a week because it wasn't a good fit for me. And the last job required me to commute for nearly 3 hours a day, which wasn't good for my pain level. Again, no empathy on his part.
I'm just getting really depressed. I don't know what I am doing with myself. I am worried about my future.
I used to love to be outside doing active things. Perhaps I will feel better when the sun comes out again. I felt awesome when I was climbing all the time, and hiking, kayaking.
One thing I have been doing pretty regularly is yoga. It's not enough in Eric's opinion. Which I am starting to resent him for. Pardon me for not wanting to spend 3 hours at the gym with him every time we go.
Some people with my disorder aren't able to do any form of exercise. I just feel lucky that on most days now I can move my positioning on the couch and not be in excruciating pain.
Sometimes I miss the days when I lived by myself in a studio apartment. I had a good paying job, and had lots of money I could play with. I could come home and didn't have someone bitching at me about what I did or didn't do.
I am thinking about taking a weekend vacation to San Diego, where I hear it is warm and sunny.
Because the pain doctor thinks I am depressed, he thinks I will benefit from going to a psych doctor. Perhaps I'll go. Has to be better than being anxious and sad.
I imagine my life being like it used to be. Outdoors and active. And happy. Finding things to look forward to and doing them. I miss that.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
3/12/11 - Cindalu
I need to do better about the eating. But most importantly, SNACKING! I find I snack when I'm bored, and I've been pretty bored lately with the whole not having a job thing.
I always seem to find a way to keep some sort of sweet thing in the house (mainly chocolate). Then I feel bad about eating it. But its so delicious!!
I thought about giving up chocolate for lent... Yup. I thought about it alright. Sure did think about it real hard. mmm.... chooooooocolate!
I only did yoga twice this week. But I did get in a bunch of the things on my gym challenge sheet. I am now up to 18 items. Which is up from maybe 8 or so items completed the week before.
The rest of the things on the list are going to be pretty challenging, so I have my work cut out for me. My goal is to get another 18 items completed so I can get my free t-shirt from the rock gym.
Oh, btw. I applied for a job at the rock gym. The one in Berkeley contacted me back and want to interview me. It's for a belay staff position. I'm hoping if I get the job that belaying won't flare up my pain.
If I do okay and am able to get and keep the job, I'll be at the rock gym several days a week. Which, hopefully means I'll get some more exercise in here and there. When I worked at a fitness facility before, I got in more exercise than I probably normally would had. Also, I got really motivated to get in good shape. I think I got down to like 110 pounds back then with like 8% body fat, or something ridiculous. I don't think I'll ever be that again, but being around healthy people all the time is motivating. It would be so convenient to just go work out after work (or before).
If the job can give me 32 hours a week I'll be eligible for benefits after 90 days. I don't expect they will give me that many hours though initially. Which is a mixed blessing. Oh well.
The pay isn't fantastic, but its better than working at the local coffee shop, is more laid back I would imagine, (which is a main reason I want to work there), and I would get a free gym membership (saving me nearly $70 a month I think).
I always seem to find a way to keep some sort of sweet thing in the house (mainly chocolate). Then I feel bad about eating it. But its so delicious!!
I thought about giving up chocolate for lent... Yup. I thought about it alright. Sure did think about it real hard. mmm.... chooooooocolate!
I only did yoga twice this week. But I did get in a bunch of the things on my gym challenge sheet. I am now up to 18 items. Which is up from maybe 8 or so items completed the week before.
The rest of the things on the list are going to be pretty challenging, so I have my work cut out for me. My goal is to get another 18 items completed so I can get my free t-shirt from the rock gym.
Oh, btw. I applied for a job at the rock gym. The one in Berkeley contacted me back and want to interview me. It's for a belay staff position. I'm hoping if I get the job that belaying won't flare up my pain.
If I do okay and am able to get and keep the job, I'll be at the rock gym several days a week. Which, hopefully means I'll get some more exercise in here and there. When I worked at a fitness facility before, I got in more exercise than I probably normally would had. Also, I got really motivated to get in good shape. I think I got down to like 110 pounds back then with like 8% body fat, or something ridiculous. I don't think I'll ever be that again, but being around healthy people all the time is motivating. It would be so convenient to just go work out after work (or before).
If the job can give me 32 hours a week I'll be eligible for benefits after 90 days. I don't expect they will give me that many hours though initially. Which is a mixed blessing. Oh well.
The pay isn't fantastic, but its better than working at the local coffee shop, is more laid back I would imagine, (which is a main reason I want to work there), and I would get a free gym membership (saving me nearly $70 a month I think).
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
3/9/11 Cindalu
Monday and Tuesday I didn't go to the gym. I had a procedure done on Monday, and still felt crappy all day Tuesday. Today I went to the gym. I took a yoga class, and I did 10 of the items on the challenge list. I now have 18 items done in total on the challenge list. I am at the half way mark towards getting a free t-shit. It better be a cool shirt!
Monday, March 7, 2011
3/7/11 Cindalu
I went to yoga on Friday morning. It was pretty cool. The class was with an instructor I hadn't gone to yet. She did all sorts of stuff that my muscles weren't used to. My feet, ankles, and calves worked triple time in her class. I think I'd like to try it again.
So last week I think I went to yoga 3 times and did atleast a little climbing 3 times.
I don't think I have been doing incredibly well with the eating. In my defense, I think I'm PMSing with the sugar cravings. If I could kick that sugar habit of mine I would be on track!
So last week I think I went to yoga 3 times and did atleast a little climbing 3 times.
I don't think I have been doing incredibly well with the eating. In my defense, I think I'm PMSing with the sugar cravings. If I could kick that sugar habit of mine I would be on track!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
3/2/11 Cindalu
Today I went and did yoga. The yoga teacher said that she has seen a lot of improvement in me recently. That she has noticed some muscle memory in my practice. :D
I also did some climbing today (top roping). It was not as fantastic as the time before, but I did make it up a 5.9 and 5.10 without falling at all. So, that is good. I ate ok today. Oatmeal, a quesidilla, and for dinner some left over chicken. I had a snack of some pretzels, a few tablespoons of chocolate chips, and a few tablespoons of some cornnut type things. I also had some homemade fruit yogurt smoothie, and some frozen strawberries. I could had done without the snack things.
I also did some climbing today (top roping). It was not as fantastic as the time before, but I did make it up a 5.9 and 5.10 without falling at all. So, that is good. I ate ok today. Oatmeal, a quesidilla, and for dinner some left over chicken. I had a snack of some pretzels, a few tablespoons of chocolate chips, and a few tablespoons of some cornnut type things. I also had some homemade fruit yogurt smoothie, and some frozen strawberries. I could had done without the snack things.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
mt
2/28/11
I cannot live with this weather. I think it is the direct cause of my flub. When it’s warm and I can go outside and have fun and wear very little inside the house, I feel great and I don’t need to eat crap all the time. When it’s cold and overcast and dreary I just wanna sit around and eat. FUCK! I hate it! And it’s been beautiful for two days and now it’s going to go back to shit weather and I just can’t stand it anymore.
Anyways, I missed the past couple days but here’s a time to start anew
Food: Two super healthy veggie burritos that I made myself. Tortillas prob the most unhealthy part.
Some candy. After I checked the weather report. Because it depressed me. Fuck!
Exercise: Nice long walk with my dogs, not very strenuous but still nice. Hooped for nearly an hour- it’s hot so hooped in a bikini which was motivating. No wonder I gained weight in the winter, I can’t even see what I look like under the winter clothes so I don’t give a shit!
I might surf later, will at least take another long walk, soaking up the sun in preparation for the shitty future week which will suck ass. Maybe that storm won’t come. Sigh.
3-1-11
So I. AM. SUNBURNED. Like, painfully so.
It sucks
But I’m doing well on my fitness goals ;)
Today: food
Smoothie (really healthy)
Burritos (really healthy)
Veggie buffet (pretty healthy)
2 pieces of candy (not so healthy)
Some citrus fruit (really healthy)
Exercise:
Surfing three hours. Hence the atrocious sunburn.
I cannot live with this weather. I think it is the direct cause of my flub. When it’s warm and I can go outside and have fun and wear very little inside the house, I feel great and I don’t need to eat crap all the time. When it’s cold and overcast and dreary I just wanna sit around and eat. FUCK! I hate it! And it’s been beautiful for two days and now it’s going to go back to shit weather and I just can’t stand it anymore.
Anyways, I missed the past couple days but here’s a time to start anew
Food: Two super healthy veggie burritos that I made myself. Tortillas prob the most unhealthy part.
Some candy. After I checked the weather report. Because it depressed me. Fuck!
Exercise: Nice long walk with my dogs, not very strenuous but still nice. Hooped for nearly an hour- it’s hot so hooped in a bikini which was motivating. No wonder I gained weight in the winter, I can’t even see what I look like under the winter clothes so I don’t give a shit!
I might surf later, will at least take another long walk, soaking up the sun in preparation for the shitty future week which will suck ass. Maybe that storm won’t come. Sigh.
3-1-11
So I. AM. SUNBURNED. Like, painfully so.
It sucks
But I’m doing well on my fitness goals ;)
Today: food
Smoothie (really healthy)
Burritos (really healthy)
Veggie buffet (pretty healthy)
2 pieces of candy (not so healthy)
Some citrus fruit (really healthy)
Exercise:
Surfing three hours. Hence the atrocious sunburn.
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